


Red Christmas

by TheConsultingHunterInTheTARDIS



Series: Angsty EXO [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Friends to Lovers, I promise, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Minor Character Death, Okay bye, Things happened okay, fluff at the end, i think im done, mentions of abuse, this was a Christmas present to a friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 13:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6081171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheConsultingHunterInTheTARDIS/pseuds/TheConsultingHunterInTheTARDIS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything was going well until Jongin texted him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so before you read this, let me explain:  
> I was, a.) on my period, b.) alone, c.) I was Christmas day, d.) I had read a bunch of fluff beforehand and I was feelin a bit... meh (yes, that is an actual feeling), and e.) it was 3:30 in the morning.  
> I'm sorry if this was bad, but I hope you like it.  
> Pls leave kudos (but only if it's good) :)

“You’re not worth my time, you cheating, pathetic piece of trash,” was the last words that Jeon Hyunwoo said to Sehun before he left their cold apartment.

They had been having a peaceful Christmas Eve. Sehun had been making eggnog, and Hyunwoo had been decorating their Christmas tree, and the both of them had been exchanging jokes and funny little stories. The TV was on, showing Christmas classics, and their little radio played familiar Christmas songs from Sehun’s childhood. They were having a wonderful Christmas so far, and Sehun was reminded of just why he stayed with Hyunwoo, why he loved him.

That however, was all ruined by that one text.

Sehun’s phone buzzed with a message, and Hyunwoo picked it up, reading it. “Are you coming or not?” he read. “From Jongin… Who the hell is Jongin?”

Sehun felt something almost like an anvil dropping in his stomach. “J-Jongin is just a friend...”

“Are you… Are you cheating on me?” Sehun saw the start of a fire in Hyunwoo’s eyes, and he knew, if he wasn’t quick enough, he was in trouble. 

“J-Jongin is just a friend,” Sehun tried to explain quickly enough, trying to get the words out before the fire in Hyunwoo’s eyes widened immensely. “I promise, he’s nothing more th-than that, please, Hyunwoo I promise.”

Hyunwoo took a step towards Sehun, who took a timid and fearful step backwards, not wanting to be within the space of the other.“Wait, Hyunwoo, there is nothing between me and Jongin, Hyunwoo, wait,” Sehun’s desperate pleas fell on deaf ears as Hyunwoo continued to advance towards him, grabbing him by his arms and shaking him violently.

“Are,” Shake. “You,” Shake. “Cheating,” Shake. “On,” Shake. “Me?” 

“No, Hyunwoo, I’m not, I promise, please,” Sehun whispered, in shock from being shaken so hard.

Hyunwoo dropped Sehun, who fell on the ground, and picked up one of the glass ornaments that he had been putting on the tree, and threw it at the other.

The thing was, Sehun didn’t care that he’d been dropped. He didn’t care that there were shards of glass around him. He didn’t care that he had cuts all over her neck and face. What he did care about was the fact that Hyunwoo was flinging the glass ornaments here and there, the only things that Sehun had left of his grandma, the only thing in her will that she had left to him, the only thing from the one family member who had loved him unconditionally.

When Sehun had come out to his parents and friends, it had been a nightmare. His parents had yelled at him, been disgusted by him. When his parents had finally kicked him out, he turned to his friends, but they too hadn’t even wanted to associate with him. They only stopped to kick out at him on the street and call him some homophobic slurs they had come up with. With nowhere else to go, he had gone to the one place where he knew he was welcome: his grandmother’s. She had accepted him, loved him, welcomed him into her home, and taken care of him. When his own parents didn’t even want to associate themselves with him, when they had disowned him from their family, she protected him and loved him. She was the one who had warned Sehun against Hyunwoo, when he first began to take interest in him. She had told him that Hyunwoo was no good, but Sehun had craved to be loved, had craved intimacy with someone. Hyunwoo had shown him that, and years later, his grandmother had been right. Hyunwoo was no good, and had never been good for Sehun. Those ornaments were all Sehun had left of her, and Hyunwoo had just destroyed almost all of them.

The said man, after finishing throwing all of the ornaments, then picked up their box of decorations, and overturned them on Sehun, who was still on the ground. And, since some of their ornaments were quite spiky and quite heavy, they added to the bruises and cuts on his body.

Hyunwoo took a step back, his chest heaving. “You’re not worth my time, you cheating, pathetic piece of trash,” he said. And then he left.

The TV was still on, and the radio was still playing, but now, the apartment was no longer filled with happiness. It was filled with a sad coldness, and Sehun tried to keep that out as he held the very last ornament that he let no one touch but himself. It was the last ornament his grandmother had ever given to him, and now it was the only one he had.

After several minutes of him lying on the couch and his mind being blank, Sehun was pulled from his coma-like trance by the sound of incessant knocking on the door. The person must have been knocking for a while, because the knocking was straight up pounding, and the occasional tap at the window.

Sehun groaned inwardly as he raised himself up from the couch and shuffled his way to the door, and opened it.

“Since you didn’t answer my text,” said Kim Jongin, oblivious to the state of Sehun and the miserable atmosphere as he hugged Sehun warmly. “I decided to come and give you this,” he gestured towards the present in his hand. “So why did you-” and that was when he finally noticed the state of the room he was in. “What… what happened here?” he glanced at Sehun, who was looking down at his shoes. Jongin noticed the cuts on his arms. “What happened to you, more importantly?”

Sehun couldn’t say. He couldn’t say because he was embarrassed. He was afraid. He didn’t want Jongin to know, he didn’t want Jongin to see him for what he really was: a piece of trash. 

Jongin was just a friend, but he was Sehun’s only friend. The only person other than Hyunwoo that looked at Sehun as someone of importance, and Sehun loved that. The thing was, although Jongin knew Sehun, he didn’t know Sehun. To Jongin, Sehun had portrayed himself as a straight, outspoken, fun-loving man who didn’t have time for relationships because he didn’t want to settle down. In reality, Sehun was a queer, quiet man who was in a relationship with a man who thought that if he can’t have Sehun, then no one should have Sehun.

Sehun didn’t tell Jongin the truth because he didn’t want Jongin to reject him. To hate him like the others did, because Jongin was the only one in Sehun’s life who truly cared for him and for his wellbeing. If he didn’t have Jongin in his life, Sehun thought he might as well go insane. To Sehun, Jongin was the sun, and he was the dirt of the earth. He was disgusting, he was nothing, he was a queer, and Jongin didn’t need to know that. Sehun didn’t want Jongin to hate him like all his loved ones had when he was younger. He had been naive then, he had thought, no matter what, that those around him would love him. He was wrong then, and he wasn’t about to make that mistake again.

Sehun would admit that he had more than friendly feelings for the elder, but he knew that he could never be with someone like Jongin because a.) Jongin was straight, b.) he didn’t deserve someone as kind as and wonderful as Jongin, and c.) Jongin wasn’t looking for a loving relationship. He wasn’t looking for someone to love at the moment, and that is for sure what Sehun wanted with him. Sehun had learned to settle at a young age, and that came in handy when he was dealing with Jongin. Sehun was the dirt of the ground, he was disgusting, he was nothing. He wouldn’t let Jongin dirty his hands with the likes of himself. He settled for someone like Hyunwoo because that’s what he deserved, that was his punishment for being gay.

He couldn’t tell Jongin “what happened”, because then Sehun would have to tell the truth. He wasn’t ready for that. He would never be ready for that.

“What happened, Sehun?” Jongin asked again trying to get the younger to look him in the eye.

Sehun stayed silent, avoiding Jongin’s gaze.

“Sehun,” Jongin grabbed him by his arms, and pulled him closed. Sehun flinched. “You know you can tell me, right? Come on, Sehun, please, what happened?”

“...Nothing,” Sehun exhaled softly. He raised his voice a little louder. “Nothing happened, okay?” Sehun tugged on Jongin’s coat sleeves. “Can we just- can we just pretend that nothing has happened? Please?”

Jongin stared at Sehun as if he were crazy. “Sehun… it looks like a warzone in here. You are hurt. ‘Nothing’, my ass. Something clearly happened here, and I need to know so that I can fix it.”

“You really like fixing things, don’t you?” Sehun murmured under his breath. He closed his eyes. “The thing is, I am unfixable, Jongin. Please, can we ignore this?”

“I refuse to. I am not leaving until you tell me,” he left Sehun’s side to go and sit on the couch. “I’ve got all night.”

Sehun took a deep breath, and then sighed. He made his way to the couch, away from the side that Jongin was sitting on, and clutched the ornament he had left there in his hands. “So… um, w-what happened is, um… me and my, how do you say, significant other-”

“You have a partner?” Jongin cocked his head to the side. “But I thought you were-”

“Single? No, I’m not. Surprise,” Sehun ran a hand through his hair. “Anyway, we were having a- dispute, and um, he may have manhandled me a little, and thrown a few things-”

“Wait, he?” Jongin blinked. “But, that would mean-”

“That I am gay? Yes, that would be correct…” Sehun closed his eyes. He waited for the assault of slurs and the kicking and the yelling and the disowning.

It never came.

“You’re gay?” Jongin sounded confused, not accusing.

Sehun narrowed his eyes. “You’re not bothered?”

Jongin blinked. “No, I’m stuck on the relationship thing. You’re not single?”

“Jongin, did you even hear me?” Sehun pursed his lips. “I am gay. As in, interested in men. And only men. Does that not bother you?”

Jongin hummed, amused. “Hmm, let me check… Um, no, it does not. In case you didn’t know, I too have the hots for men. And also, Sehun, if you didn’t notice, I am bisexual. Don’t get your panties in a twist; you’re still my best friend.”

Sehun opened his mouth to answer, and then closed it. He was shocked. He was ecstatic. He was elated beyond belief. “So, what you’re saying is, you don’t give a shit?”

“Yes, Sehun.”

“…Can I have a hug?” Sehun whispered, holding out his arms.

Jongin grinned. “Merry Christmas, motherfucker,” Jongin jumped into Sehun arms, and for a moment, everything was perfect. Jongin was in his arms, Jongin didn’t hate him, Jongin wasn’t leaving him, and everything was fine.

Until Hyunwoo came back that exact moment.

That was when it all went to shit.

Sehun didn’t remember much of what happened.

He remembered the feeling of being ripped away from Jongin, like he was a leaf, and Jongin was a tree. He wished so badly to have Jongin in his arms again. Just for a few seconds. But that wasn’t going to happen. He knew it wasn’t going to happen.

Hyunwoo let go of him to go to Jongin, who stared at him defiantly.

“Who the hell are you?” Hyunwoo spit at him. “What are you doing here?” 

“I’m Jongin-” but before he could get anymore out, Hyunwoo pushed him against the wall, glaring at him.

“Oh,” he pressed his lips into a line. “You’re Jongin.”

Sehun remembered feeling a sense of dread. Hyunwoo was angry. He was furious. He knew that tone well enough. Jongin… Jongin was going to get hurt.

Hyunwoo looked back at him, startling Sehun, making him jump. “You whore,” he whispered at the younger, who flinched.

“We aren’t together,” Sehun mumbled. “We- we never-”

“What the fuck was that, then? Why the fuck were you all over him when I came in, huh?” Hyunwoo stepped toward him, and Sehun could see the malice that lurked in his features very clearly all of a sudden.

Sehun scrambled away. He didn’t want this to happen again. This situation couldn’t happen twice in a day. It couldn’t. Sehun wouldn’t be able to take it.

Sehun whimpered as Hyunwoo came closer, but the latter never got to touch him. He was too busy being body slammed by Jongin, who wasn’t about to see his best friend be abused by some psychotic asshole.

Sehun immediately went to go and separate them. Nothing could happen to Jongin. Jongin was untouchable, and if there was one thing that Sehun would not tolerate, it was Hyunwoo hitting Jongin.

He tried his best. He really did. But, he couldn’t separate them. Nothing would stop Hyunwoo from messing up the person who tried to get in the way of his and Sehun’s business. So Sehun watched helplessly as Jongin became Hyunwoo’s new punching bag, becoming a bloody mess that could barely stand on his own.

Sehun remembered being dragged away from Jongin, who was left outside of their apartment as Hyunwoo hastily threw their stuff together and put them in the car, saying “We’re leaving.”

Sehun remembered crying. He remembered screaming at Hyunwoo to turn back until his throat was hoarse and sore, until he could not longer speak. He remembered resigning himself to sobbing silently, facing the window as the landscape zoomed past and changed the farther they got from their old home.

The farther they got from Jongin.

~1 Year Later~

Sehun laid back in his seat, groaning every time the bus hit a bump. He closed his eyes as he put his head against one of the windows, not caring for the scenery that unfolded outside of the vehicle. Sehun didn’t want the world to reach him just yet. For now, he wanted the rest of the world to go away, and rest in his own thoughts (which weren’t any better, but at least he could control them).

He tried not to think of that night. He tried very hard.

But it kept coming back. It kept haunting him, not letting him rest until it replayed fully in his head, only to replay again when he least expected it.

It had started with an argument between him and Hyunwoo. They had been driving peacefully, when the latter had accused him of cheating (as usual) with one of Sehun’s coworkers, and Sehun adamantly protested against his claims. He hadn’t gotten close to anyone since… ever since the incident with Jongin. He couldn’t risk the same thing happening again, and he’d kept to himself. He didn’t want to see someone else he loved be hurt by Hyunwoo. Never again.

Hyunwoo insisted that Sehun was cheating, and soon the fight became physical. Hyunwoo had shouted profanity into the younger’s face, reaching out to hit Sehun, when he accidently pushed down on the accelerator, but his determination to cause his lover some pain kept him from realizing it. He had unbuckled his seatbelt to get to Sehun, but before they knew it, the vehicle went out of control.

They crashed.

Sehun sustained minimal injuries.

Hyunwoo died on impact.

Sehun lost the only person who would ever love him.

So now Sehun wandered aimlessly, barely keeping it together. He used the rest of the money he had to get a bus ticket so he could get to the place he’d left a year ago. Just for some closure. Maybe to apologise to Jongin. But then again, the elder probably never wanted to see Sehun’s face ever again.

Sehun, too tired to think anymore, drifted off to sleep.

When he woke up, he found that they were only five minutes away from his destination, and began to gather his things. He had enough money for a cheap motel room and maybe a rental car, so he was set for the next two weeks, probably.

He stepped off the bus, still tired, still broken, but ready for change.

Sehun was back in town.

Sehun found a cheap motel soon enough, and it wasn’t great, but it was home, and it was a home without Hyunwoo, which he was both elated and miserable about. He also got to a rental car place and found a very old (but cheap) car that he could call his own for a while, so he was pretty happy about that as well.

Sehun spent the rest of his day visiting all of the places he used to frequent. The bakery he used to go to with Jongin before they went to work. Jongin would always get the chocolate cheesecake, and then somehow manage to get it all over his face. Sehun would always resist the urge to wipe it off for him, and instead would laugh and make fun of his friend's chocolatey face. Jongin would then pout, causing Sehun to internally scream, and externally coo at Jongin, teasingly pinching his cheeks.

The gym, where he and Jongin would go, claiming to work off all the cheesecake and pastries they got from the bakery, only to lie around on the gym equipment and widen their musical tastes together, testing out new albums and songs that had just come out on their ears. It was fun, and in those moments, Sehun felt like he was normal, like he wasn’t some homosexual with an abusive boyfriend to come back home to at night.

Sehun put off going to the old apartment until he no longer had anywhere else to visit but there.

He didn’t want to go there.

He really didn’t.

But for closure, he made himself drive there. He was driving a little fast out of his nervousness, and his jitters was what made it happen.

What made him hit the person.

Sehun immediately stopped the car and nearly got run over by a car himself trying to get to the person to see if they were okay. When he saw who is was, he dropped to his knees, devastated.

Lying there was an unconscious, bloody, Kim Jongin.

***

Sehun paced the hospital’s waiting room worriedly as he waited for the doctor’s word on Jongin’s state.

He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe he had hurt the only other man he’d ever loved.

Jongin was hurt because of him. Again.

Before Sehun’s thoughts could go to darker places, the doctor came out to tell Sehun his verdict.

He smiled kindly. “You’re lucky you were going at the speed limit. He’d only got a few bruises, and he’s gonna be in the hospital for a little while, but he’s alive, alright. His heart is beating just fine.”

Sehun sighed with relief. “Oh, thank God.”

“Also,” the doctor continued, “He’s awake, if you want to talk to him.”

Sehun recoiled. “Oh, uh, no, not today-”

“He wants to talk to you,” said the doctor, looking at Sehun over his glasses. “He insisted on talking to you.”

Sehun exhaled. He wasn’t sure on how he could talk to Jongin after all that had happened between them. Quite frankly, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk to him. But… he wanted to see him. He wanted to see Jongin when he was alive and healthy, not bloody and bruised like the last two times Sehun had seen him. So, there was only one way to solve this dilemma. “He always had to get what he wants,” he murmured under his breath, slightly annoyed. He looked back up at the doctor, who looked back at him, amused. “Alright,” he resigned. “I’ll go see him.”

The doctor smiled. “Follow me.”

After winding through hallways for what seemed like forever, the doctor finally stopped in front of a door, and opened it for Sehun, who begrudgingly entered, and then braced himself for the assault of words.

They never came.

Instead, he was greeted by a very enthusiastic hugger who wrapped him in their embrace.

“Hey,” Jongin whispered into Sehun’s ear.

“Sorry I hit you with my car,” Sehun buried his face into the elder’s shoulder.

Jongin pulled aways, shrugging. “It's always good to have a few battle scars,” he grinned, pointing at the bandage he had on his cheek. “I think I look cute. Right?” he smirked. “I look cute, don’t I?”

Sehun narrowed his eyes in disbelief. “I literally hit you with my car, Jongin.”

Jongin nodded slowly. “Yes Sehun, and I’m wearing pink underwear. It’s a fact of life,” he shrugged again, as if he hadn’t a care in the world.

Sehun paused and blinked, before saying: “Fuck this, I’m leaving.”

Jongin caught a steel grip on the younger’s heart arm, preventing his departure. “No, no, no, wait,” he whimpered. “You can’t just leave,” he hugged Sehun again. “I missed you…”

Sehun stiffened, and then relaxed his body as he found himself once again in Jongin’s embrace. “I missed you too,” Sehun whispered, letting himself say the words.

Jongin pulled back with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Really? You did?”

Sehun rolled his eyes. “Shut up. I still hit you with my car.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jongin pulled him towards the hospital bed in the far left of the room. “I won’t hold it against you.”

And with that, they sat in a comfortable silence for a while, with Jongin’s head on Sehun’s shoulder, and his hand resting on the younger’s thigh.

And Sehun was internally screaming.

After a few moments later, Jongin broke the silence. “Are you and Hyunwoo…?”

“He’s dead,” Sehun said bluntly, saying the words for the first time. He felt the energy in the room drop drastically.

“Oh,” Jongin blinked. “Sehun, I’m so sor-”

“Don’t be.”

Jongin glanced at Sehun, and the younger smiled at him. It was genuine, and that was how Jongin knew that Sehun was (kind of) okay.

Sehun was (sort of) okay.

“So…,” he trailed off, suddenly nervous. Sehun raised an eyebrow. “Um, ah, when I get out of this hospital… you wanna, um, go out and get like, a coffee or something?”

Sehun’s eyebrows went higher, almost ascending off his face. Jongin was asking him out. Him, Oh Sehun, the most gay man in miles, probably the most unwanted, was being asked out by Kim Jongin, the most beautiful man on the damn planet.

Jongin looked at him nervously, waiting for an answer. “Um, if you don’t want to-”

“You’re asking me out on a date?” Sehun pursed his lips.

“Yes?” Jongin answered, eager to hear Sehun’s reply.

Sehun sighed. “You could at least take me to a nice place? Coffee? Seriously Jongin?” the younger shook his head. “You’re losing your touch.”

Jongin grinned like he’d just been given a million dollars. “I don’t know, when it comes to you, I think I lose everything. Because the only thing that matter when you’re around is you.”

Sehun pretended to gag. “Oh God, you’re as cheesy as they come.”

Jongin sat closer to Sehun. “You know it.”

Sehun rolled his eyes again. “You know, I really like you, Jongin,” he didn’t look at the other.

Jongin nuzzled his face closer to Sehun’s neck. “You know, I think I really like you too Sehun.”

They looked at each other.

And Sehun knew they were going to be okay.

 

(AN: Y’all, I’m sorry this is shit. pls forgive the turtle for the shit ending. pls. she wanted to sleep.)

**Author's Note:**

> ....  
> ....  
> ....
> 
> okay but you got through it and that's all there is to it.  
> So I hope you enjoyed that, and if you think this was terrible, pls do say so and tell me how I can improve (nicely, pls, this turtle can only take so much)
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
